The treasure called nostalgia

I opened a treasure trunk with a heavy feeling...

some lovely memories neatly folded and stored...

a huge metal lock to safeguard it forever...

the key put in a sleek little casket...

the casket placed in a small wooden box...

the wooden box kept in a huge combination vault...

the combination consciously forgotten...

and yet, stolen glances at the trunk from time to time...

Bedtime stories...

Faded talks...

Deserted places...

Long lost friendships...

Secret stuff...

Awesome  friends...

Innocent love...

Million feelings...

Thousand thoughts...

the laughter...

the pain...

the happiness..

I'm not stuck in the past but unveiling the memories that are stuck in time...

trying reconnecting with parts i forgot...

about faces that smiled and frowned at me...

hands that hugged, cared and guided me...

simple fun that made me complete once...

remembering people who touched my life...

I'm missing the true moments that made me..

and so there are stolen glances at the trunk from time to time...

For the Moment...!!!

I also think a lot about prefect moments :)..Moments that you want to live and relive...Moments that you wait for so eagerly, maybe planning for them for a  long time, moments where absolutely nothing can go wrong..
But then if you wait too long for the perfect moment; Maybe the perfect moment will pass you by...!! So rather than waiting for the perfect moment...Take up any moment and make it just perfect :)...
Easily said; but me..I'm still trying, waiting for that perfect moment!!!

There are certain things which need to be expressed at that very instant when you thought of them...otherwise the moment just goes away and you don't feel like sharing it anymore..
Happens a lot with me... 
It is never deliberate...just, some moments get lost when ignored and try as hard you may try, you will never find them back!!!

Are u even listening??

Dear god,

you are supposed to be the 'Know All'... right??
then how on earth do u keep forgetting the simple fact that i'm just human!!
why do u keep forgetting you have my silent prayers to be heard!!
that you have my unlisted list of questions to be answered to!!!

Your truly,
Neha

Signs...!!!

Sometimes i ask myself do you believe in signs?

Those small signals which subtly hint whether things are to be or not to be...
The ones everyone around you can so clearly see and yet seem all blurred to you...
The ones we tend to ignore deliberately at times even if they are right there..staring at us...
The ones which constantly plays and replay on your mind...sometimes just freezing everything around you...
The ones you know you should acknowledge and yet ignore...

I'm just talking about signs..

Sometimes i am afraid of missing them...dreading what happens if i ignore them?

and then, how do we know they are actually signs?

couldn't a sign warning you of failure, be just something your heart fears?
couldn't a sign hinting of happiness, be just something your heart desires?
what if we are interpreting them all wrong?

Sometimes it is just a matter of how much you trust your faith??

Coward am i????

i'm not afraid to dream, i'm just afraid of having to wake up...
and so i lock my dreams away...
i'm not afraid of heights, i'm just afraid of the fall...
and so i stay away from heights...
i'm not afraid of the silence, i'm just afraid of the void that deepens...
and so i try to befriend the silence...
i'm not afraid of darkness, i'm just afraid of what might be hiding in there...
and so i dare not explore the darkness...
i'm not afraid of the turbulent waves, i'm just afraid of my capacity to resist them...
and so i try to shield myself from signs of turbulence...
i'm not afraid to trust, i'm just afraid of how irreparably damaged i would be if let down...
and so in turn shy away from trust...
i'm not afraid to walk together, i'm just afraid you might disappear around the bend...
and so i attempt walking alone....
i'm not afraid to cry, i'm just afraid of the world laughing at my tears...
and so i hold back my tears...
i'm not afraid of confrontation, i'm just afraid of being misunderstood yet again...
and so i hesitate to confront...
i'm not afraid of hanging on, i'm just afraid of living a lie...
and so i am reluctant to hang on...
i'm not afraid of letting go, i'm just afraid of leaving a major part of me behind...
and so i am unable to let go...

Coward am i????

...and it is in these moments of silence that u think a lot

Sometimes when you are stuck on one of life's busy roads; all you want to do is stand there and look back...it might be a highway buzzing with activity that you are looking at...but sometimes, nothing really matters...an eerie silence is all you hear...and it is in these moments of silence that u think a lot...

What hurts you more that your enemy stabbed you in the back because he did not have the guts to face you...
Or your friend who punched you in the face because he had every right and reason to...
The scar on your back reminds you of the betrayal u  faced...
But the memory of that punch brings you back to the moments of a lost friendship...
Both may have caused immense pain...being stabbed behind left an ugly mark....the punch did not...
But in the journey of life, you will remember the punch a lot more often than the stab, strangely because it has only fond memories coming back with it...
It is so true, you never forget your enemies but your heart constantly searches for that one friend you lost along the way....hoping that someday he might just turn up and ask you to come back...
And then you realize that the stab left a scar but you dont feel the pain anymore...
But the punch, though silent and clean has left you with a terrible phantom pain,for life!!

And you are stuck on life's busy highway and all you can do is wish, wait and smile through the pain...:)

Conversations!!!

Its surprising how much of myself i discover during conversations with people...
random incessant conversation over cups of coffee...
those endless vent-outs and sulk sessions...
discussions about the daily details of mundane life...
sometimes casual pings online when wanting to think aloud...
The frivolous crazy talk gives a  flight to unimaginable ideas-sometimes rented from the past, sometimes borrowed from the present and sometimes stolen from the near future, almost always living up to the expectation of astonishing me with a wide spectra of diversity.
These tiny things bring about a change in me..a type of realization...
and the best part; these are never planned...
Just a random topic of silly banter can sometimes leads to hours of introspection and pondering, when i'm alone..

Sometimes these conversations make me wonder how it must to be in other people's shoes..how it must be to live the way someone else lives his life..But frankly, i love listening to other people's perspective just as much as i love speaking about mine...i like to listen to other people's opinion, their interpretation, their way of looking at life...it makes me ponder sometimes why life has shaped our personalities so different..neither good nor bad..just different...

It is not every time that our views differ..and it is not everyday that we have differences in perspective..but it is these small differences also make me realize what i need to change about myself..they help me grow as a person...help me respect change..
Conversations have always shown me different patterns in the kaleidoscope of life...
some patterns made me fall in love with them..some made me look at them with contempt...some pleasantly surprised me...
Some showed me the good in people while some exposed me to the bad and the ugly side in them.some left me with lessons to learn from and some with regrets to ponder upon..some gifted me with precious memories to cherish while there were some which scratched old wounds and made them bleed..
Strings of words thrown together...that is all they are..so delicate and yet so powerful...these conversations!!!

My life is full of many people..

As we roll through life, we cross paths with many people..family, friends, acquaintances...  

I strongly believe that  all the people you allow in your life whether for a day, or a lifetime are large contributors to your life ..Maybe we don't always realize the full impact that they have on our lives...but each teaches us a small but a very important lesson...

It is the people around me,who share my smiles, my tears, it is they who are a part of  my experiences, it is they who make my world and life the way i see.

People around me correct me when i am wrong, agree with me when i am right, add to the confusion when i am confused, but always make me feel i am not alone. By Sharing with me your experiences and opinions, you have unknowingly affected and helped me in a positive way...

You smiled back when i smiled, taught me to smile when i cried, intentionally or unintentionally made me understand the importance of things i had been ignoring and realize those i had been avoiding...:)

Thank You all for making me feel loved and cared..and blessed!!!

I often wonder...

why some questions are never answered....
some answers are lost along the way....
and some deliberately unattended to...

why logic fails so many times...
why at times you fail to comprehend even the simplest of the situation...

why life has this knack of keeping on reminding u about the things u so much are trying to forget...
why is it that it is always easier said than done...

why is change the most static thing around...
and yet the acceptance of this dynamisim not so easy...

why is simplicity lost in the crowds...
and complexity ruling the world all around...

why do the good things seem to end too soon...
And the not so good lingers around...

why do expectations steal the show...
And your genuine desires loose out somehow...

why are we so afraid...what is it that we fear...
That we analyze even the small thngs ignored otherwise...

With so many questions to tie around...i thnk again...
why some questions are never answered....
some answers are lost along the way....
and some deliberately unattended to...

how much is 'too' much!!!

"How do you know how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love, or too much to ask of someone? When is it all just too much for us to bear?"
- Dr Meredith Grey

Meredith asked a question and I truly needs an answer.....
anyone??

Lets go back in time...
When i was a kid, i was told that the best things in life come for FREE.
This statement somehow stuck with me all through my childhood years...
It was in kinder garden that i met my first friend and i learnt the value of friendship. My family was my world...'Home' and 'School' made up for pretty much my whole universe...
Everyone doted over me and i was thrilled!!
All the affection..the love..everything was freeeee!!!
So was climbing trees, swinging on slides, sliding on slides, park rides and bubble wrap...what more could a kid at that age possibly want?
I was happy..content...satisfied..and above all, convinced that all the happiness in life did actually come for free...

This overwhelming thought however, was to stay just an ephemeral concept...As i frolicked from my joyous childhood into my zestful youth, i realised that things were a tad bit different...
The teenage years were a learning experience.
It was in my early teens that i learned my first lesson on friendship...that friendship were actually based on give and take...
It was summer and my best friend had refused to lend me her book because the class bully was offering her his stamp collection in return of the favour...
The best things in life no longer came for free---they sold out for a bunch of postage..i was disheartened!!

During my late teenage years, the definition of 'free' changed again.
I had become quite the rebel back then..fighting against the injustice of having to be answerable to elders for everything i did...
I wanted to be able to go for  parties, movies, stay with my ear stuck to the phone...
But back then, freedom to me meant all that...
I wished to be 'free' ...
Phew!! thanks everyone for being so highly patient to my temper tantrums...
I fumed at the injustice but moved on..
"the world is not fair anyway, it does not want to see me free" i'd sulked...

and life went on...
As the years passed by, and life handed me more responsibilities to handle, i had almost stopped believing in the 'moral science' school teacher who had first imparted those pearls of wisdom to me...
Fairy tales became a thing of the past...I was trying my best to get into the groove of things..to carve my niche...
But life was alright because i had realized by then that just like there were true and honest people around me, there were also those who wore masks all the time.
The meaning of 'free' was changing again.

Life had taught me that there were no free lunches here.Everything came at a price.
Trusting someone came at the price of being betrayed.
Harboring expectations came at the risk of having them let down.
I was totally disillusioned by now...nothing in life came free afterall, not even the hand-me-down's and this was just nature's way of subjecting me to a stronger reality check...

But wait, that was not it...a few years down the line and the meaning of 'free' changed again.
We all know how we all part from college life, with tears of separation and promises of keeping in touch.I did too...
But the truth is...how many of us actually manage to do that??
I got busy..and so did some of my friends...
We were no longer 'free' to meet up with each other..to keep in touch..to enjoy those long 'hostel' conversations we once shared in those good old college days.
College had bound us together and even though we fretted and fumed about the syllabus , we were all just about 'free' enough to relate to each other..to empathise with one another..to conform...
But as soon as we bid our goodbye to our 'alma mater' there was something in each of us which died with time---the hope to take out time for each other. And even though we still suffer from those occasional pangs of 'nostalgia' gripping us in the gut, the rat race we are all competing in has left us with very little 'free' time to catch up over coffee.

Well, i made peace with this fact...
We humans have a tendency to adjust according to situations, don't we? I resorted to keeping in touch through social networks on the world wide web.
I was aware these virtual conversations/scraps have almost zilch of the personal magic, real meet-up's and college 'gupshup' did.
But i convinced myself that the occasional 'pokes' and pleasantries were good enough and i had to make do with knowing that my friends were alive if not anything else.
I guess it worked both ways, they too have played truce with their busy schedule and taken comfort in the fact that i am still writing on some 'wall' somewhere.

Every once in a while, there comes a day of enlightenment in everybody's life...a day which you either choose to notice or choose to ignore...
When i did that, i sure had my initial moments of introspection...
but looking back, i have never felt so free before...
So you see  this is the story of my life till now and how the meaning of 'free' has changed with the meaning of 'happiness' in every phase.

I know this is not just my story..but the story of almost everyone around here.

Someday when we all break free and meet up there in a more equal world, lets catch up over coffee and talk of the best things in life which actually did come for free, but perhaps passed us by, while we were too busy in the skeptical pursuit of the 'free' lunch that we convinced ourselves, we would never have.

till then,

adios amigos!! :) 

"आंसू को आँखों की देहलीज़ पे लाया ना करो,

अपने गम किसी को बताया ना करो,

लोग मुट्ठी भर नमक लिए घुमा करते है ,

अपने जखम किसी को दिखाया ना करो "

Read this today...beautifully written...isn't it???

Life's Lessons...from the Learned!!!

Perhaps there is no end to the Life's lessons...

Every single day..every single moment...the pearls of wisdom keep on falling..Life is the sum of all  your choices..Enriching your life experiences day after day :)...

Life has taught me to stop figuring out what life really is...just go with the flow..but remember to live it...

Life has taught me that all along i plan life...but life has its own plans for me...

Life has taught me that somethings cannot be changed...and its better to accept it this ways..the sooner the better...

Life has taught me to think big...for in the end dreams will come true...

Life has taught me that everything will work out in the end and whatever happens, happens for the best...and eventually u'll realize this someday..

Life has taught me that it can make you bleed...but you need to heal yourself and live on...

Life has taught me that it is not always fair...its a tough fight many a times...

Life has taught me that it is more important to enjoy what you have rather than keep running after things that would eventually turn out to be meaningless...

Life has taught me not to take life seriously...its just not worth it (nobody gets out alive anyways)...

Life has taught me that the grass always looks greener on the other side.. but u never know!

Life has taught me that no matter what happens...someone will always be there to hold your hand and get you out of the worst...

Life has taught me that its always best to let God do the talking for you. He has his ways to take care of you, and answers all those people who hurt you in his own divine way ...

Life has taught me that there is no fun in perfect life...So take chances...live the risks...

Life has taught me that which doesn't kill will only make you stronger...that u should follow your heart..but make sure you know your heart before...

More importantly life has taught me that life goes on...Things change, people change, but life moves on...

Experiencing Silence...

Have you ever taken time to sit silently and experience the world around...
Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn...
Ever experienced the serene calm after a raging storm ends...
Ever felt the Sometimes pleasing and sometimes frightening silence of nature...
The silence when u do not know the answer to the question u've just been asked...
Or an expectant pause in a room full of people when someone is just about to speak...
A silent prayer just before an important decision...
Or the ecstatic silence when you finally got something u really longed for...
The ultimate stillness after a miraculaous escape...

Each one is different...each one is beautiful...you just have to listen a bit carefully...The virtue of silence has great eloquence...One just has to stop weaving to see the pattern improve...