change

While the change is unquantified and unknown yet, this time it starts with loads of expectations, some hope, some pain, and much determination at its base...  
i just want a little strength..

Extra-ordinary life...

'The heights by great men,

reached and kept,

were not attained by sudden flight.

But, they while their companions slept...

were toiling upwards in the night.'

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I want to lead an extraordinary life....but 

when I have work to do...I spend my precious time in between palpitations worrying about how in the world I'll get it all done.

When I do sit down to work...I feel tired.

When I decide to take a break and enjoy...I spoil half my fun by thinking about the work I have to do.

When I do my work and focus...I fell like time is running out and even a propellor with the speed of light will not help me keep pace.

When I have an extra hour to work...I procrastinate.

Irresponsible. Irrepressible. Unfocussed. Indifferent. Unabashed.

How extra-ordinary I am.

why am i not toiling???

Stray thoughts...

It's been a while that I've been staring at this screen and can find nothing to say. I am listening to the soft music playing in the background. And observing. As if out of some divine order, I am supposed to just listen and observe. My mind doesn't have enough space to think and speak out or write. For a change (for better), I can say I was busy listening.

Watching the world through my eyes, understanding through my experiences and expressing through my opinions, I had had enough of it. Well, everyone thinks - what he says, thinks or does is right. And he will do anything, fabricate any reason to justify the righteousness of his words, thoughts and actions. But then suddenly some day, something changes when you look at the world from inside someone else and you find that it's a completely different place. Its a Strange place!!!

I had had my views and my opinions. I wanted to see someone else's views and understand someone else's opinions. But can do only the first part. i think i'm too arrogant to accept or perhaps even understand the other half. Well, it's not enough to know what a person thinks. What makes that person think that way, where are those thoughts arising from, what is the source of those ideas - without knowing answers to these, understanding is not complete.

People disagree even though they are right. People agree even though they are wrong. We often misunderstand different points of view as disagreement, a scalene geometry of thoughts - incompatible. Thinking 'in' different directions and thinking 'from' different directions are two different things. Thinking in different directions broadens the horizons of thought, and thinking from different directions strengthens the base of an idea. Now whether this is a strength or weakness really depends on how the formula is applied.

It's instinctive trying to possess something dear. Letting go is tough, when time snatches it away from you. That's the test of large hearts - how much, how big, how dear they can let go without getting bothered. The cliche goes 'Rich is he who has nothing to lose' - theoretically. But we all have something dear which we never want to lose - a person, an idea, a place or a laptop or an iPod or maybe some fond memories. Divided into these things, people, places and ideas - we cannot let go and it's hard for us to recover from their loss, which is the inevitability time makes us confront one day or the other.

Happy B'day Random Thoughts...

Ok..officially this blog becomes an year old today...seriously speaking i never thought it would last this long..(not that i don't like writing; i luv it; but because am just  too lazy).. 

I know there are really dormant periods when i seem to be neglecting it altogether..or there are periods like this when i feel like posting everyday..

All i do is  try to put words together,to somehow make sentences and give shape to the vagueness of my random thoughts..

This is the place where I look for answers, i am the seeker or at times  the sought, i am the thinker or  the thought at times..this is where my thoughts fly, a place that allows me to be angry, allows me to be elated, allows me to learn, allows me to be sad...this is a place to evolve This is the place for me to be just me...:)

happy B'day!!!

Cute nothings...

I found today in an old journal a very cute little entry which is simmering with confusion, anger and hurt of the 12 yr old variety over seat allocation in the classroom. I have been laughing like crazy ever since. For the life of me I can't remember the specifics other than the sketchy details in the journal, and I am marveling at how wonderful memory is - it automatically erases most of the ugly parts of day to day life, because all I really remember now of being 12 is the fun, the carefreeness of life and the little moments I cherished. Yes if I really think about it I remember the few people I used to dislike or fight with, and the struggle it *felt* like. But I do have to really think about it. More or less, it was the time when scoring 95+ was easy and also mattered :D Such a nerd I was. 
Just felt now that writing journals is a useful, even if embarrassing habit. :-)
gives u reason to recall and rejoice...just wen u need a break over some cute nothings!!!

the philosophical me;

*this is just a random wierd discussion i had today...just felt like putting it here


"Life is so tough."


"Tell me something new!"


"Yeah..true...life ain't easy...and everybody feels this all the time. Life got to be the most cursed of 'em all!"


"Maybe...but the number of curses you get and deserve must be giving even life a run for its money! ;) "


"Ha ha..very funny...but I'm serious you know...all the time everybody keeps saying life is this life is that..there's just no end to those words. Half the literature of this world revolves around interpreting and symbolising life. Half the world's philosophy is just that. Yet it remains the ever-lasting enigma."


"The ever-lasting enigma...and each answer to the puzzle is as right as it is wrong, as complete as it is incomplete, as true as any other...Have you ever wondered how remarkable it is that whenever things work out fine for us and life is smooth, we so stop digging into the puzzle and nearly everything else as well. But inevitably it'll quickly return to the "normal" course again with a twist or two and we'd be back on business...thinkind, pondering, reasoning, anguished, cursing. Almost like every short sunny patch is a mini vacation for us engaged in the job of discovering life."


"I don't think it is meant to be a vacation...I feel it feels like a short vacation because we treat it like a luxurious holiday and stop doing our job. We stop putting in the effort and the thought...we take things for granted. And life surely doesn't like THAT. So it twists again, saying 'you just don't deserve it bloke' !"


"So you think we would never be able to get out of the loops, the vicious circle..."


"I don't know anything about the saints, maybe they do have some way to break out of the loops that others don't know. Maybe it is all false and there is no escape. You know this book I was reading last night...it said, Peace begins with acceptance and dies without perseverance!
Maybe I understand it a bit now. I guess there can never be an end to putting the effort as long as one is alive. That effort, the quest is the process that is the elusive meaning of life itself we seek to find. And the moment I know this, unless I stop working, I'd be at peace with myself."


"You know this now...are you at peace with yourself?"


"I will be I guess..."

Control the Controllables

Life is funny.
As always, problems magnify when they happen to us. They easily become full-blown Shakespearean tragedies, in fact, if we let them. Then you see someone else committing the same mistakes as you did, or suffering the same self-created trap you did, and something cringes inside. You rush to make it right, because it is -- just as it was back then -- largely futile. You want them to let go - it will become easier - and you remember your own reluctance in letting go. 
Life is funny, hind sight is funnier.


I think I keep realizing the same things over and over again every now and then in life. It is sad life wastes so much effort in re-educating me, and I spend so little in remembering my lessons. Once you see someone else in pain, in slow agony and you realize you care, your own pain just disappears somewhere. It is magical, it is potent. It is what we probably like to call being human. I just love it. 


So this is my new commandment to myself. Control the controllables. It is not new, it is hardly unique. But it is a good reminder to self. It makes the one most important thing easy in life: letting go. It is also incredibly important if you want to live with knowing that you are not good enough, no matter how badly you want something.


I love it.
:)

the 1% that i hate...

99% is sensible; the rest doesn't listen to the mind

99% looks forward to the future; the rest stares behind

99% wants to smile come what may; the rest is keen to cry

99% is bent at fighting it out through; the rest doesn't even try

99% sees reason, knows patience; the rest doesn't want to understand

99% forgives forgets moves on; the rest is stuck in Neverland.

99% manages to accept find peace; the rest still wants to question fate

99% wins 99% of times; the remaining 1% is what I hate.

I think the biggest thing about old friendship is that it just gets crisper and crisper with time...
Some of the friends you made...can never be let gone of...no matter what happens....things have to get back to normal...as if nothing happened...
That exactly shows the purity of that relationship...and most importantly...how much you and the other person/people value the bond you share...
It cant be let gone of ever...cant be replaced...and thats the bottom line!
I was telling a friend the other day about how i have realised the kind of person i am...and about how i can genuinely care for some people...maybe do things out of my way...
I only do things that come naturally to me...and maybe its because thats the way i am...i wont do anything out of force or compulsion...so...whatever happens...its normal..and natural...
I can not change the person that i am...i just cannot....but definitely....now...i am tryng to become more careful...and practical to some extent...
I wanna do many things...but i stop myself from doing it....somewhere its about how people with take it...and what will the consequences be...about whether or not they deserve that much of importance in my life...
I believe strongly now...that if things have to happen....if friendships are to be immortal...if a relationship has to last....it happpens naturally...and somehow...it is destined to be...

I have had some really good time and not so good time in the past few days...bt memories and moments and experiences for sure ...

...and i think its because i have learnt to let go...and not hold on to things...expecting they will materialize and be a part of my life...but doing what is to be done...and what you feel like doing...
A friend of mine told me yesterday....
"When you are around...how can someone not open up..."
It just made me smile.

thinking...just too much

Life has geared up...Its become tough...irritating...frustrating...and all the words you can put in for me to tell you i am bugged!Not that i hate it....but things are happening which i dont want to be a part of...because they'r not the things i want...I know my goal(hmm am i sure)...let me just achieve that...sumtimes there is just a block in yur life..it just happens!!!

happiness(cut short)

How many times have you asked somebody “what do you want in life?” and the answer has been “happiness”? If you have not, then do go around doing a quick dip-stick and you will realize that alas, this is the standard answer that perhaps was printed on our brain when we were all manufactured in that unique super-efficient creature factory, hidden behind inaccessible cloudy barricades.

But if you ask these same people what is happiness, you would encounter a strange lull. They either do not know the answer, or are confused, or volunteer with something that they think is right, only to realize a little later, and on several occasions at that, that something else normally turns out to make them ‘happy’. Or does it?
I read somewhere that there are only two approaches to life – the victim approach and the victimizer approach. Gory as it sounds, it is really simple and sweet. It means that either we accept that it is we who create and influence everything that happens in our life, which means we are the victimizer, OR we deem that we are the victim and things ‘happen’ to us, situations and experiences occur without our own control. The choice is totally ours. Basically, when you take responsibility for all of reality, then you give yourself the power to change anything within reality; having a handle on your own life – governing what occurs and influences you – or rather making sure it is you, and only you that influences you.

So many times if we dissect any ‘difficult’ situation we are in, we end up realizing that it is the conditions we have created in our mind that are making the situation difficult! You know, conditions about how we should be behaving, what we should be getting out of it, expectations of others from us, expectations of ourselves from us, expectations of ourselves from others; and the list is endless.
So what is my take on happiness? Well I feel we can start by doing everything we love and that makes us happy. But first, find out what makes you happy. Ask yourself this question even when it seems like the most the most tedious questions to answer. Ask yourself over and over again, in times disconnected to each other and see if the answer is consistent. Now break this answer down to the minutest of the detail – in a moment to moment manner. What about this happiness can you do on a moment to moment manner that makes you happy?
More simply Happiness is created. And  its created by doing the things that make us happy. It's the simplest thing, and yet we make it sound like a far-fetched dream.

...less words...

I have lots to write down about this week...but no motivation nor energy to actually sit down today and start...
Just wanted to say...to the people around me...
I hope you find your answers..and I hope you make a good decision...I may or may not be there...

"You are the person who has to decide.
Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up
your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind."

I have come to realise lately that I did miss out on a lot of things...expecting more maybe at times...and wanting the "right" things...(and what exactly is this supposed to mean..i do not know)
i only hope i have found just the correct answers...and am making the correct decisions now..

Being a twenty something...

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like to know. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are not all that good and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at what you are studying or at ur job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you  do love someone!
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you are scared just to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Maybe this will help you feel like you aren't alone in your state of confusion...
 
Its called "Quarter-life Crisis." Nothing is constant......except change.

Whats life without a few risks? keep playing the game

Restless

Restless tonight
No sleep in sight
Waves of questions
rise and crash
Thoughts pop
Collide and dash
Meanings threaten
To disappear in a flash
Fear reigns
In an empty night
Asks questions
Don't know where to hide

Sumthing in me wanted to run away, if only for a moment, to take a break. But of course i didn't, i couldn't have no matter how suffocating my own helplessness was making me feel.I was irritated, mostly at my inability to help. I was angry...
But smhw things have improved or rather i am handling things better now..and i feel better..
much better...

It's a small world.

Life - I can't decide whether it's long or short, opinions flip flop on that one - but life is reasonably long to make us forget a large part of it, as it happens. We get over most of it easily.Some, of course, we like to hold on to. In tinted, hazed versions. In pictures, boxes and words. In stories we remember every time it rains, or cry to in the darkness of nights.(i guess atleast i'm such a person)
But since it is a small world, and as I said, life is reasonably long on an average day, sometimes we run into figments of our own life that we had forgotten, lost or gotten over. Bang, they're right there in front of us. Those people, those places. Those pictures, boxes or words. Stories we half-remember. They tend to take us down nostalgic lanes, mostly hopping over things we have held on to, and sometimes revealing forgotten milestones that surprise us -pleasantly or unpleasantly.
I do not know if this ever happened to any of you.
"Hey I knew this person... I spent a good year sharing all my secrets with her, crying over her shoulder and hiding behind her to avoid getting caught for my pranks. What happened? Why don't I remember why we got over each other?"
"Ah! I don't remember ever drawing these things. God, how silly was I. Why did I ever stop?"
"This place looks familiar, and still doesn't. I know I spent years jumping around these halls, but.."
"Aww..is that really me dancing around dressed like that!!!!"
Of course, you move on. Things lose relevance quickly. That's relatively speaking. At that moment, the pace of time is slow enough to make it feel like the entire universe. Things feel different when they happen to you, I guess. The funny part is, once time has passed, we get over them so quickly that it's easy to be distant and forgetful, even more than if it were to happen now to a stranger in front of us.
It's amusing how seriously we take life still!!

An empty page stares at me

I imagine drops of ink
taking some shape, undetermined.
Thoughts rush, collude, collide
disappear, boomerang, rewind.
Sadly, my imagination is limited
words say formless, shapeless, unborn
thoughts continue to wander around blind

P.S: not that i'm out of things and thoughts to share, i guess the nmbr of things that i want to share rite nw is enormous..just can't put them to words

"The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that."

i wish i knew!!!

I wish I knew all the answers in this world.
I wish I knew the right questions to the above answers .
I wish I knew why I am the way I am.
I wish I knew why the others behave with me the way they do.
I wish I knew why I am good at things I am good at.
I wish I knew why I mess up things I mess up.
I wish I knew how I feel right now.
I wish I knew where I am heading with my life..
I wish I knew something or anything at all.

Guess what's really tiring...
to act sane all the time!!!
And yes, sometimes it really is "acting", this listening to mind, applying thought, doing the 'correct' justifiable thing, being sensible process...because the heart wants to be crazy once in a while, act, think, feel, crib, cry without catering to reason.

The toughest time in life is probably when you sit with people with whom you shared a beautiful relationship, with whom you had never ending conversations blurting out almost everything and you have nothing to say! When suddenly you feel scarcity of words. When the song at media player breaks the silence. You don't have courage to look into their eyes neither do they have. Inspite of sitting next to them you can feel the thousand mile distance in between. Sitting numb just looking at watch. Thanks to cell phone they occasionally give you an excuse to take a break. With artificial smiles on face everyone around is smiling for no reason.
In the end on a more practical note,

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. :(

After all is said and done, more is said than done..
PHEW!!!

see your troubles as blessing

...have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experienceing everything.At present, you need to live the question.Perhaps you'll gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.

p.s:just read these lines and really loved them and found them really true

Have done quite a few things lately,learnt people,understood them,loved a few,even hated a few. Sometimes its just nothing.There are hundred people we meet,a few we remember for long,another few cannot forget..and last few we hate to recall.But love stays,those spent moments seem fresh even at the thought of a recall..fresh enough.They keep coming back,to kill you and make you live at the same time.Can two equally strong and opposite things stay together at the same time? i dont wonder enough about it though..

we've discovered that friendship, love and laughter
are not just feelings..
these are feelings which when woven together,
create an ambience
never forgotten
remembered forever..!!!
P.S: for all of u who r a part of my life...

wierd...

i'm home..i guess for the first tym i'm blogging from home...
seems like i'm unaware of my own thoughts and what is it that i actually want to say...kinda wierd feeling when u think that for the next 6 months atleast i do not know what am i...neither a student nor a professional...what???some years before i would have loved and maybe even longed for such a time when i had absolutely nothing to think or do...but rite now this seems to be my biggest concern...OMG!!!
and yes missing everyone so much...aadat si thi roj uthte hi tum sabko dekhne ki aur tumhari aawaz sunne ki...luv u guyz!!!missing u all...

And people are finally leaving...
Don't know when and where we'll meet again...
When and where will we spend time like this together...
The familiarity is becoming a stranger...
Have been paying my last visits to some very dear places and some very dear people...
God I really can't say anything...
Later...

one moment you're so happy...
and the next moment, this chord in your brain gets struck by some wierd passing by neuron which changes your whole mood ..
NOSTALGIA takes over!!!
been happening too often with me these days...
P.S.- gonna miss u all!!!

caught between appearances and dissapearances

of whims,ambitions,people...

sometimes determined, casual otherwise...

unimaginable dreams, confined reality...

understanding silence,misinterpreting words...

unfolding magic,seeming illusion...

caught between appearances and dissapearances...

self and myself...

SAY!!!

"If you need to say it all, it's not worth it"
nevertheless,you sometimes need to and you should still say ...somethings...
sometimes, it's just allright to empty your head rather than negotiating with your emotions,your feelings and putting everything under the tags of 'okay', 'fine'...
sometimes its just okay to put a break on all the running thoughts..
for once maybe its ok to doubt your doubts, let go...and take a chance!!!

CLUELESS...yet want to write sumthing...
.......
In this life we all want to do what we want. Is it not?

We don't want anyone around to take control of our life, even in the smallest thing. I was almost always very certain about what I wanted in life.. which earlier usually made decisions easier. But certainly I find myself much more confused now a days then probably ever in my life... and I hate it!
Failing to figure out what exactly do I want!
Probably the most difficult thing in life is to "understand yourself"....
......

Adios

4 years, 8 semesters, amidst millions of laughters, heart-aches, heart-to-hearts, arguments, walks, night-outs, discussions, leg pullings...

so many so many so many just plain so many times of togetherness...
so many people, so many faces, so many of them have become my lifeline, support system, hot dial list, a part of my life and a part of my being...
so many emotions, so many fights: silent, verbal and physical ;)
so many times the eyes just welled up thinking, reading a line or a message, writing...
so many attempts for something different and something new and something i will call a to-do...
so many lessons taken, so many let-gos and moving on...
sometimes, it is so easy to move on, sometimes you just don't want to and sometimes, you just can't!
sometimes, it is an overload of feelings, sometimes you have mixed feelings and sometimes, you just simply fail to feel in the moment...
sometimes, you have so many words you fail to take a pick, sometimes words fail you completely and sometimes, well you are just plain SPEECHLESS!
I guess then for me, it is an Adios with a smile :)

Some things are just meant to be…accept them…
Stop your inner strife
Don’t battle with your life
What will be,will be
You can’t find every lock’s key
So sometimes just giggle with glee
You are capable,you are good…believe it.
You deserve a beautiful life…accept it
You deserve love…value it…
There is joy in this world….feel it.
whats best
Years pass and years go...
Some are fast and some are slow
Each had moments of smiles and tears
Of actualization of dreams as well as fears
Yet its all exciting isn't it?
To have a place where you fit.

gimme a break...

i want my mind to take a break...

Break from recollections, reminisces, retrospections etc. etc.

Break from inferences, implications, imaginations etc. etc.

Break also from the frequent numbnessss....

I wish it just refuses to process and articulate any of my thoughts...

Thoughts...yes, they'r on a full swing!

Every sight, every experience, every 'first', every 'last'

Makes me want to capture it forever...in a picture, poem, journal...

Yet, rite now I want to let them all go by...

i simply want my mind to take a break...

L.I.F.E

Life, they say is a series of moments…

Moments we dream of and live for, moments when we live those moments and then moments of recollecting, reminiscing and reliving the bygone…

Life, they say is not about milestones, it’s about those moments…

Moments of expectations being met, fantasies and reveries coming true…

Moments in which a part or whole of it materializes…a part or whole of our being unfolds…

Then there are leading moments of disenchantment or trailing moments of retrospection…

And then moments where nothing else matters!

A smile on my face,
A tight embrace,
A shoulder to lean on,
A mind so calm,
A hand to hold,
A peaceful soul,
A long walk,
A soothing talk,
A dream in my eye,
Or a reason to feel high,
A tender touch,
I don't know much!
Something, somewhere seems to be missing ........
Sometimes it just happens.

Somewhere in Between

Somewhere between becoming the person I want to be and the person I have become;

Somewhere between looking for the right things and finding the wrong ones;

Somewhere between the time enjoyed alone and wasted in the company of others;

Somewhere between hiding the truth and convincing everyone of lies;

Somewhere between you and me,

I forgot what matters.

friends..

They teach you to live. They laugh with you when you are happy, put a comforting arm across you when u are worried, cut you up with biting and insightful remarks when you go wrong, lighten you up when you feel heavy, there are always there when you need them..... The list is endless. Life is so empty without friendship.

Its such a simple relationship and yet so wonderful. The joy of sharing, the luxury of borrowing, the confidence to be just yourself, the will become what you want to be, simplicity, dignity, carefreeness at good times, belief to tread the path that at treacherous times, the art of listening, the mirth in banter, the comfort of having someone to lean onto, the wisdom to give strength when someone in is need, anger and the means to control it, what to do, what not to do, the little things, the not so little things, the important, the not so important. It teaches you so much without we even noticing.

The hours just wiled away with buddies are never a waste for we learn so much. Blessed are those who are showered with the gift of great friends. Blessed am I (crossing my fingers) with more than my fair share of pals. Herez to the spirit of friendship.!!!

walking...

the world hinders..

and i still walk.
lost in this stillness
lost in these thoughts...
wonder why it still seems am on a run..
and wonder why i begin to stop..begin to walk..begin to rock
rock in the stillness,rock in tis song..
pardon me if i were loud,
but can u hear me when i walk?

A Story...

One day, while walking on a beach.. a man saw that there were millions of star fish who had been washed ashore by the high tide and they were all drying in the sun about to die.. As he was walking, he kept on picking up these star fishes one by one and throwing them back into the sea...

A passer by was very surprised.. Looking at the millions of star fish lying on the beach, he said - "Why are u doing this? Your efforts wont make any difference. There are millions of them lying on the beach. It doesn't make any difference to them."

On hearing this, the man who was walking picked up another star fish and threw it in the sea and said - "Well, it did make a difference to this one".

Its one of my favourite stories.. and I can never forget it.

Reminisence...

I want to write about my four years in college, which are just about to end.These are difficult experiences to write about for a single person, for they form collective memories, the kind you'll talk about if a group of friends meet after many years. It is too overwhelming for me to write about these 'wonderful years',but since time never stops and things fade off, i'll write whatever i can.
Four years, eight semesters is a deceptive time scale.When i look back at it, i don't see time neatly divided into days,weeks,semester or years. It appears instead that i'm looking through a distorting lens,which makes time appear to have followed a large number of different scales.Some days appear distant and blurred while some are magically brought near into clear vision,regardless of their chronological order. It makes me feel at times that the whole period has been too short and at times it has been too long.
Time has passed too slow on the scale of academic and i have to make an effort to recall my first year courses and teachers.Then there is a time scale of friendship, on which time scale has passed fast. I feel I haven't known my friends enough to say goodbye already.i want to spend some more time with them.Some inactive days, weeks are totally wiped out, but of some I have retained a video memory.
People have been the best part of the experience. After knowing them for a while, it was surprising how similar we are, and again how different each one of us is.We have our own lingo, our own intra-stereotyping, our own stories, our own set of moral-codes and our own survival fundas. We therefore have all the elements of a mini-culture, and being a part of that culture turns out to be more important than being a part of the institute.
Among places, there's Cafe, Nescafe, CAC, Library, places where a person inevitably finds himself spending a lot of time (not to forget the hostels).There are many other moments, I don't know what I can write about them, sometimes it was just a shared mood which made us celebrate nothing in particular, sometimes it was a running joke that climaxed, sometimes a treat for something happy that found its way into our lives after all!
The "relationship" hasn't been without ample hatred and resentment at times. But whether it was good or bad, whether you loved it or hated it, when you spend four years of your life at some place, specially the time when you are 18, 19, 20 and 21, in a way, the place becomes "yours" and it is difficult to ignore it, or to have unmixed feelings for it.
....in the end,no matter what but
 "i'm really gonna miss this place,i'm gonna miss my college days"

 

:D:D:D

the last one week has been great...a lot has happened ,some i expected and some i didn't but i'm not complaining for in a way everything was a strange and unexpected happy surprize..

my best friends...

In these three and half years i've met the most adorable people..people who actually mean the world to me..such amazing friends that i couldn't have asked for anything more..

i luv the comfort of sharing our opinions, good or bad, whether they match or are poles apart..

i luv the willingness we share to go ahead with all our crazy plans..(which normally do not materialize)

i luv the way we (and sumtimes only we) find the hidden meanings in our normal talks..

i luv our enthusiasm about trying to be lame at times.. 

i luv our ability to laugh incessantly and enjoy even the most pathetic sense of humour..

i luv the quality of knowing just what to do when one of us is upset or unhappy..

well i luv u all for just being there..!!!!

........

There are times when we have to see for ourselves..we have to make our own mistakes..we have to learn our own lessons..we have to understand that doing is definitely better than wondering, waking is much better than sleeping and...
..if only i would have realized this a little earlier (or rather really realized its importance)
Right now, i'm experiencing a number of unconnected thoughts..making it really hard to concentrate so i better stop writing

P.S: just kinda upset and therefore this really stupid crap but the better part i accept that it was me at fault and so now it will be me who'll set things rite...

happiness..!!

Ever wondered why so many people are unhappy...?

Being a happy person generally, I am amazed at the lack of it in other people. On deeper investigation, however, it becomes apparent that it is not that people lack happiness. It is simply that they are unable to recognize happiness in their lives. They are so busy focusing on what is wrong with their lives, what is lacking, what they do not have...that they completely miss all that is actually there!

It is simply a matter of perspective. One needs to believe that you are responsible for your own happiness. If something makes you happy go out and get it/do it. Don't wait for someone to make it happen for you. You are every bit as capable of making it happen on your own.

Savor the small pleasures, the everyday happenings that we take for granted. In a traffic jam, take a second to enjoy the colors of the sky, or ponder over a pleasant memory. Fussing over the inconvenience of the delay will not make the delay go away...it will only make it more unbearable. On the other hand, however, focusing on a positive like a pleasant memory, or a lovely sky, something....anything, small and insignificant even, but positive will make it more pleasant, more bearable, insignificant even. Perhaps you may find complete and total happiness for just a second, while stuck in a traffic jam, however unbelievable that sounds!

try it sometime...it really works

I...

I have half completed poem in my drafts, which I don’t feel like completing.

I have so many completed posts which I don’t feel like publishing.

I have so many things to blog but I don’t feel like writing them down.

I have so much to tell you but I can’t make myself say anything.

I have a strong need to spill everything but I can’t do it.

I want to talk it out but I don’t want to talk it out.

I know things but I don’t want to know them.

I see things but I don’t want to see them.

I need to sleep but I can’t.

I need to stop thinking but my brain won’t switch off.

I need to think about myself but somehow everyone else always takes preference.

I need to stop dreaming some dreams but they seem to have become a part of me.

I need to accept my life for just this but I always keep hoping for more.

I need to start believing again but the belief is dying somehow...

DON'T ASK ME WHY...

A desire to fly unhindered, alone

Another to snuggle in the cosiness of bounds...

One to embrace a limitless sky

Another to stand firm on the grounds!

A silent moment

A soundless cry

An empty smile

A tear dry

A life unlived

passes by

I know, but

don't ask me why.

I live too, but

don't ask me why.

A numbing pain

A meaningful silence

A dying desire

A hope remnant

And a smile

that refuses to die

I know, but

don't ask me why.

I live too, but

don't ask me why.

A calm breeze

A shining sun

A storm invisible

Secrets a ton

To live, to fight

they struggle and try.

I know, but

don't ask me why.

I live too, but

don't ask me why.

A complex balance

a 'me' and a 'you'

An 'I' and a 'my'

and a 'them' too

Shattered hearts

and a 'truth' and a 'lie'

I know, but

don't ask me why.

I live too, but

don't ask me why.