Reminding myself..!!

"This is your LIFE..
Do what u love and do it often..If you don't like sumthng, change it..
If you don't like your job, quit..If you don't have enough time, stop watching tv..
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; They'll be waiting for you...
Start doing things you love..
Stop over analyzing..
All emotions are beautiful..
Life is simple..
When you eat, appreciate even the last bite..
Open your mind, arms and heart to new things and people, We are united in our differences..
Ask the person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them..Travel often..
Getting lost will help you find yourself..
Some oppurtunities come only once, sieze them..
Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them..
So go out and start creating..Life is short..
Live your dream and share your passion..."

This new year...i wanna live my life like this:-)..
Just wanna let go..and be myself..
Let the analysis take a break..Give time to self..give time to people i care about..
Believe in my dreams even if they seem beyond the realms of possibility..and take a stride towards making them a reality..
Fight over the things i want to change..
Sometimes be naughty like a child...
Behave randomly othertimes...
Surprize someone accidently..
Enjoy the beauty of the small million things in life..
Stop worrying..Stop being scared..and go after the things i want...
Will not surrender to my fears..
No believe in endings..hold faith in just here and now..
Appreciate friendships that brighten my being..
Explore the choices..take the risks..
And above all,
Laugh at the Confusions and Smile through the Tears
because everything that happens, happens for a reason!!!

Questions

More often than not the 'whens' and the 'wheres' and the 'whats' and the 'whos' and the 'whichs' are normally quite easy to answer. On most occasions, the 'hows' are not that difficult either. The questions that if attempted to answer hv the potential to kill are the 'whys'!!!
But reasoning these 'whys' lead u to an understanding that lasts a long long tym...

These days I hv a vague and a strange feeling overcoming me...These days I sumtimes feel that i do nt hv a true purpose in life...
And thats the cause of a big void fillng my life and this feeling sumtimes makes life seem illogical and sumtimes drives me crazy!!!
But my bigger fear is, if the void has to b fulfilled do i hv the requisite courage???
And i try to ask myself the question that inorder to muster this courage, do i hv enough self belief...
I wnder if self belief comes from the strength of faith...but then how do u measure faith.??
I guess faith is built with the challenge of crisis...and i think i hve not let myself to be challenged so much till now..
So lets hope i can find a purpose soom and let it challenge me enough to find out:-)..

P.S: the above rambling is a crazy 'Thought of the moment'

Its ME...

Sumtimes a surge of energy creating my own way...
Sumtimes just going with the flow...
Apprehensive at times...
Confident otherwise...
Sumtimes in a thinking mood, clinging to every single thought...
Sumtimes just carelessly moving around, trying to break free...
Uncontrollable laughter...
or a silent hum of solitude...
At times incoherent words..
at times conviction assured...
Caring for little things...
making them stay...
And for the same, daily i pray...
An aimless quest..
or an ocean of thirst...
Imperfect many a times...
yet striving to improve...

Life has many comparisons
...Box of chocolate
...Box of crayons
...Journey
...A road to travel
...A sinusoidal curve
...Oceans with waves
...Change of seaaons
...A mirror
...A race
...A lyrics
...A cup of coffee
...A rollercoaster
...An empty glass , a glass full
...The sunshine
...A ray of hope
Life is all this and much more!!!

But the crux of the matter is Life is Live It ForEver...:-)

Have fun...take it one at a time...Sometimes it is ok to b imperfect...it is ok to loose at times...it is ok to cry...it isall fine...
"Don't take life too seriously..you won't get out alive anyways!!!"..

Sometimes you should just let go and give life a chance!!!:-)

Happiness is...

Happiness is
snuggling with someone on a tattered sofa , enjoying the slow begining of the new day.
Taking a leap of faith... and miraculously landing on your feet.
The world can b surprisingly kind sometimes!!!:-)
Discovering life is an experience well worth giving a try...Definitely a source of joy...
Life is a complex mix of happiness and sadness , excitement and boredom , hope and dissapointment..You never quite know what comes your way.You would like to be prepared  for it but you never really can be ready for what life has to offer...Its this dynamics that add to the fun;-)
SLowly as you peel the layers of this overwhelming world and try to understand the true nature of life...you might just find yourself in tears..But someday you would realize that it is the price you pay for learning and experience and when seen in the right light at the right place, you'll realize it leaves you enriched and wiser many times over:-D:-)...
A perspective , an understanding are necessary to decipher these hidden simple complexities in life's twists and turns.
Its both fun as well as taxing but its all worth the wait and the pain...:-)

Life talks carelessly to us in low whispers...and in moments of noise, and unrest you sumtimes miss to comprehend wat it tries to say...
At times you just dnt want to hear wat life has to offer but are those brief escapes worth missing out on the small, inconsequential truths life puts frwrd???

Beyond Reason

It is not a matter of like,
nor is it something that you dislike;
Sometimes in life do things,
that are just beyond reason...


Why try to find logic,
when ignorance is bliss;
Why to worry,
when being carefree is the key.


Let stars be mystic,
planets unknown,
questions unanswered,
life unplanned,
roads unmapped,
secrets undiscovered.


Life's Beyond Reason,
why try taming it,
the more its wild,
the fun it is.


There's a world beyond reason,
It is not a matter of like,
nor is it something that you dislike;
Sometimes in life you do things,
Beyond Reason,
just beyond reason...

But its all me !!!

Saying a word, stopping midway, dissolving into giggles, forgetting wat i was saying, singing some random song, losing track of the lyrics, humming away the tune...But its all me !!!

Sometimes thinking a thought and then laughing out aloud at that. For no gud reason, breaking down into tears incessantly.For no good reason..Or for too many reasons that are suppressed inside.I am this mixed bag of emotions..But its all me!!!
Sometimes may b a surge of positive energy...sometimes maybe a little disconnected..But its all me!!!
Sometimes Random blabberings, sometimes sharing stories..Sometimes blurting out things in front of people I never thought I would say..bursting of those little guarded secrets one by one...But its all me!!!
Sometimes confident, sometimes apprehensive to c my hold loosening on the present and walking into an unknown future...But its all me!!!



DREAMS!!!

"Flaunt Your Dreams with Flamboyance before It’s Too Late!"..
Came across this line while reading a random blog...and it has led me to take a  take a vow to renew my license to dream...:)
People say to me,excess dreaming leads to madness. Some say it’s a waste of time.
But for me, My Dreams are a source of motivation for me every now and then. Extremely stimulating.. Dreams are like cup of hot teas for writers, poets, painters and even normal people like me..:)..They can inspire you every morning. They can make you feel happy, they can make you feel sad. But a life without dreams is a dry and mundane and boring life..!!
Dreaming is an unconscious art. It is an abstract phenomenon that everybody experiences everyday but only a selected bunch recognizes its importance. Dreams can be life changing. They can give you all the answers for free. You just have to figure out wat they say :).. Maybe just someday you get inspired by a dream that changes yur life, maybe just someday you wake up with an inspiration that became a revolution!!!
Flaunting your dreams is perhaps the best way to express yourself. It gives you endless boundaries. Remember "out of something, something can be created but out of nothing everything can be created"..
The fusion of dreams and reality makes a real nice cocktail. Sometimes our wings suddenly vanish when dreams meet reality. Sometimes it breaks into pieces and it really takes time to gather all the broken pieces. But this never ending tug of war between dreaming and reality is Life!!!

It's amazing, the way life handles itself. It's totally crazy, the way things work out. Because between moments of roaring passion,we don't pause to think, we never realize how enormous it is. The volume of change, that each passing hour gets into my life, the way the magic of every single day that turns me inside out, makes me gasp for breath. The people I meet, the people I break up with, the people I meet to break up with. Everything has like a hidden mission I suppose, the way they work out like a chain reaction. The moments I try to brush the rust off and remember, the moments I deliberately try to get over and forget, the moments I choose to live because I know I have it in me to forget them, make my life what it is. You wouldn't understand this. You're not me. Life has to go on until it has not to. There is no big deal in that. The big deal is that, my dear, I stand here, to one end of the rope, trying to stretch out my arms and take in as much of these experiences as possible. The big deal is that, despite me, I am still writing this!!!

wondering...

I often wonder why am i like this...

sometimes practical

sometimes naive

sometimes unrealistic

sometimes real

sometimes stubborn

sometimes impulsive

sometimes thoughtful

sometimes selfish

sometimes unconditional

sometimes nervous

sometimes completly sorted

sometimes vibrant

sometimes absolutely depressing

sometimes brutally agnostic

sometimes a firm believer

sometimes in love with life

sometimes its biggest enemy

sometimes a strong feminist
sometimes a vulenerable lass

sometimes very strongminded
sometimes ultraemotional

sometimes thriving on hope
sometimes letting go a bit too fast
sometimes an enigma
sometimes a completely clear picture
sometimes a hundred alter ego's
sometimes just one me!

Dn't knw i should take it as a compliment - a multifaceted personality

or am i just a confused identity!!

Life wants me to make decisions these days. And I want to run away from them.. and therefore I try running away from life too. But I know it won't let me have my ways for ever. I know the procrastination must be given up sooner or later.
The truth is I don't want to face it. I don't want to give up one thing for the other. I want to have it all. But life moves on the wheels of decisions. And while the inevitability of the decisions gets clearer more than ever before, I would put a piece of cotton in my ears and tuck my face in some novel or magazine. Then after an hour or so I would play the music loud enough to deafen myself. The truth is I don't want to hear the life calling.
And I've discovered many silly, awkward, stupid ways for it. I would read my yesteryears poetry and make changes to it. I would play silly games with friends. I would write and publish posts on the blog and then would weigh their silliness quotient and would finally remove them. Or I would write and never publish. I'd engage in terribly stupid online chats with some of my friends though many of them are staying only metres away, and even for those who aren't near I know I should better call them. I hate hiding myself or infact hiding things from myself.But i have also realized One can't win through without facing things.
One of the resolutions made recently was not to delve in the past, which effectively means talking about the future, about shaping your life. But I forgot that exclusion of past doesn't only leave the future to be talked about but also the present. And the present is in disarray.
But It's time. It's time to follow the dreams. It's time to love my own shadow. It's time to make decisions. It's time to stop ranting. (And I know this may be the 100th time I say that..But i say it yet again!!!)
:-)

Sad,angry,irritated...

Yo Girls!!!

Dis one's specially for our girlie gang girls :)... I miss my girls..why r you so far away :(...You people hv seriously been my lifeline ever since i stepped into my college life..

Though we meet intermittently nw (infact sadly the four of us haven't met together since last day of college.. ) But even then smhw i never feel disconnected with u..we may have different exposures now but deep dwn we'r the same. Every talk i have with u makes up wel for all the times we don’t get to meet( ohk not completely but on a practical note i'll say this :P)!!! Our gal-gossips still revolves around college, our very own stylelexperiments, heart-aches and so on with an occasional philosophical and intellectual touch ;)... fond reminisces of what crazy times we’ve had together…:):) When you people are with me..It is always a period of total freedom, freedon of expression, freedom of enjoying the freedom..:)..You gave me a space where I could just be me..:)

We've had talks about everything..our hopes, our aspirations, things that make us ecstatic, things that make us sad, about things we dream of, things just thinking about which gives us ultimate pleasure;)...
We may not be the same, we may not be the best,yet we complement each other completely and in the best possible manner..and thats the beauty of it..:)...My three girls- Rakhi Singh, Chhavi Kothari, Pooja Singh...u'r simply the best in the world:)

Cheers to us!!!
Cheers to our Friendship!!!

p.s: sach mein "tera mujhse hai pehle k naata koi" :P

Today , all of a sudden i was taken back in time...years ago when life was soo very different...so very perfect!
And i realised im missing it bad...missing tht life back then...missing 'those' days...


When i used to wake up at 7.05 (school started at 7:50) without a care in the world and my mom used to hurry me up to school...while i continued with my dilly dallying ,telling her about the dream she had woken me from (and how she used to always manage to save me from the two headed monsters there by waking me up right on time :P)
When i used to take ages to eat my breakfast making small triangles of my sandwiches while my bus kids impatiently waited , fretting and fuming and going red in the face outta sheer frustration tht they'll have to reach class late again because of me...
 When i couldent tie my shoelaces and used to look up helplessly at my dad while he would try hard to look the other way cos he wanted me to learn...
When i used to wait for my birthday just to choose the shape of my birthday cake and the colour of my dress...from teddybear faces to buses to boats to airplanes, i had them all...i even remember having a "blue spider" shaped cake because i had insisted on it despite my parents warning me it would look funny...i only realised wht they meant when one my friends refused to eat it on my birthday...
When i used to make handmade cards for all my friends and family on special occassions like birthdays and anniversaries...(and also write letters to everyone)..
When i used to complain to my mom about teachers i hated, about classmates who would bully me and then feel happy when my mom gave me that big hug whenever i was sad..
err...i still do that sometimes, the only diff being i dont need to complain anymore...i just ask her for a hug and she knows :)
When i used to fake all those stomach aches, coughs and colds and anticipatory fevers juss so tht i could skip school...nobody fell for my acting ever...but i STILL tried! :-/
When i used to spend hours with my colouring book and crayons and water colours ...often getting more colour on myself than on the book...
When life was all about coming home, finishing up homework, watchin tv, goin out to play,eating and sleeping...no worries, no tensions, no problems to deal with...ahh! tht was life! :)
When "ramayan" and "mahabharat" were a must see for everyone at home every sunday and i used to sit glued to the tv to watch them...and hw did i miss "chandrakanta ki kahani" ;)...
When growing up was all about progressing from "tinkle","phantom", "mandrake" "amar chitrakatha" and "disney stories" to "archie comics" ,"famous five" "nancy drew"s...
When getting a gud rank in class was a big victory and i couldn't wait to get home and break the news to everyone...till it became a custom and everyone started taking it for granted ...hmpf!
When my mom hushed me down and hugged me between angry sobs and frustrated "why me's??" (yeah tht was a fav question even back then :-/) after getting a C grade (yes i did get one...still rem my class 5 sankrit ppr) at  consoling me tht we cant be good at everything...
When my dad celebrated my success however small, be it winning an essay competition or getting a poem published in some kiddo mag or bagging first place in class with "black magic" icecream...mmmmmmm! wonderful...cant beat any icecream anyday...they stopped making it now though and thts exactly one of the reasons i miss those days all the more :(


That innocence of childhood, the small joys of those magic years, the bedtime stories told by mom as she tried to make me sleep, the tiffs and fights i had with kids from the colony over barbie dolls and jigsaw puzzles,the competitions of who would eat the most chocolates and the eating of toffees till we were fed up of eating them,the coming home with soiled clothes after falling down from bicycles and jumping into puddles of mucky rain water, the sheepish grin we all had on our faces when any of the moms questioned us about it,the "eternal division" of kitkats and toblerones between me and my sis, and then preserving mine till she finished hers (heehee)----i miss it all...


Those magic moments leave us with soo many memories as they silently vanish with each coming year...and we grow up!
Grow up to a life devoid of all these simple pleasures, grow up to a life filled with other matters wch gain importance...
somewhere somehow we lose out on tht innocence of childhood...


and then one fine evening, juss outta the blues, we begin to miss them-'those' days..those wonderful times, the memories of which will be cherished for ever and for always.:)

a slice of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara...

"Dilon me tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum

Nazar me khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum

Hwa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehno sekho

Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna sekho

Hr ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein

Hr ek pal ek nya sama dekhe nigahein

Jo apni ankhon mein hairanian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum

Dilon mein tum apni betabian leke chal rahe ho,to zinda ho tum!!!"

 Besides the awesome piece of poetry in the movie, there were many other magical moments which really stole my heart..The friendship was amazing!!!..the chemistry sizzling!!!...the adventure totally mind-blowing...it was not about the Perfect moments but the little imperfect moments:-)...U move out of the movie hall with a smile on yur face..and obviously planning your very own Spain getAway!!!


Nyways wondering why am i posting all this...hmm just hold of the super-sensational poetry by Javed Akhtar and just couldn't resist putting it here...

"Pighle neelam sa behta ye sama,

neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,

na kahin hai zameen na kahin aasmaan,

sarsaraati hui tehniyaan pattiyaan,

keh raheen hai bas ek tum ho yahan,

bas main hoon,

meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,

aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan,

aur main… sirf main.

Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya."

Awesum...just too gud :)..it just pulls your heart strings and refuses to let go..



"Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabrayaHumne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota haiYeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai..."

Just wanna go through these lines over and over again and they seem to bring out a new meaning everytime and teach me a new lesson!!!

just like that

There are things i dont like speaking about...

There are certain issues i would love to forget...

We all do that---each a different issue...a different worry...a different matter of concern...
and yet there are things which constantly keep changing the dynamics..lol!!

"Enjoy the moment" they say...probably ya, because thats the only thing u can be totally sure of----'the moment'

then why do people speak to me about 'backup plans' and 'backups to backup plans' and frown when i tell them i dont have any??
but i cant blame them either...because they going the normal wise way---the one which promises to make life predictable and stable...and they arn't aware that some people have lives just too stubborn to be tamed!

Backup plans are not for everyone!!
Some people are left with no other choice than to try and 'live' the moment and smile as they try to spread some smiles along the way :)...and i thnk i'm one of them!!! 

Yet another WEEKEND!!!

Its Sunday...yet another weekend in my life..:)

Somehow i've started liking Friday and Saturday much better than a Sunday...know why...coz there's Monday  waiting..lol:P

The most miserable thing in life is when you know there is something awaiting you at the end of the thing that you enjoy...thats the case with weekends too...the arrival of the dreaded busy,hectic,routine week ahead of the  fun and joy and clouds of merriment of the "Sunday"...:(

Somehow as the day ends to a close on a sunday, my ability to enjoy the moment also comes to a standstill..u know...smhw i can not "enjoy the moment" 'cause i keep on thinking on what lies ahead...i know its a crappy thought...spoiling the ride for the day..but then i just can't help it...can't just help get out of this...

Wonder what God had in mind while making me..lol:)

Why did he make me a thinker??(whatever dats supposed to mean...in my case thinking just too much often when there is no need)

But i am trying to change this ForTheBetter..don't know if i really can...because another of my well believed notion is dat "a person will hardly change" until and unless something really drastic happens..       

Hmm...yet another sunday...and i'm gonna enjoy this one...an attempt to remain happy:)...

in love with 'Tuesdays with Morrie'...

Just finished reading 'tuesdays with morrie' yet again...it is an amazing book by mitch albom....and one can't help but devour it in one stretch....it is a page-turner; a bestseller and yet it is something which will remain with u throughtout yur life....each word pulls yur heartstrings in such a way that u never want to let go...and fair enough if u follow what 'morrie' has to say, u will always be happy in life :)
The book speaks about a rekindled relationship of the Mitch with his dying professor...the only person who can understand him perfectly...just like he understands life....
Its heartwrenching and ironical how this man has so little of life and yet understands it like no one can....his perspective leaves u in awe just like it left mitch....
'Tuesdays with morrie' is one book ( among the few non fiction books dat i've read :P ) i will always hold dear and i cant help wishing i had known atleast one person half as wise as him :)...

Here are a few lines from the book which left a deep impact on me :  



"have i told u about the tension of opposites?"
the tension of opposites?
"Life is a series of pulls back and forth...u want to do one thing but u are bound to do something else...something hurts you, yet u know it shouldn't..u take certain things for granted, even when u know u should never take anything for granted.
A tension of opposites is like a pull on a rubber band and most of us live somewhere in the middle"

---------------


"sometimes in the mornings," he said "thats when i mourn..i feel aorund my body. i move my fingers and my hands what ever i can still move---and i mourn what i've lost.i mourn the slow incidious way in which im dying.But then i stop mourning"
just like that?
"I give myself a good cry if i need it.But then i concentrate all the good things still in my life.On the ppl who are coming to see me..on the stories im going to hear..On YOU-if its tuesday.Because we are tuesday people.
"mitch i dont allow myself any more selfpity than that...a little each morning..a few tears..and thats all"
--------------

"sometimes u cannot believe what u see..you have to believe what u feel..and if u ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that u can trust them to--even when u are in the dark...even when you are falling"
 
---------------  
"Take any emotion--love for a woman or grief for a loved one or what im going through, fear and pain from a deadly disease. If you hold back on the emotion--if you dont allow yourself to go all the way through them---you can never get to being detached. you're too busy being afraid.you're afraid of the pain..afraid of the grief..afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.
But by throwing yourself into this emotion, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. you know what pain i..you know what love is..you know what grief is..and only then can u say "all right, i have experienced that emotion..i recognise that emotion.now i need to detach from that emotion for a moment"   
---------------  
"We all know how to be a child..its all inside of us..for me, its just remembering how to enjoy it.The truth is when our mothers held us, rocked us, stroked our heads---none of us ever got enough of that.
We all yearn in some way to return to those days when we were completely taken care of--unconditional love, unconditional attention.Most of us dint get enough"
---------------
"In business people negotiate to win.They negotiate to get what they want.maybe you're too used to that.Love is different.Love is when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are about your own"
---------------
(This is what Morrie explains to Mitch about the value of aging)
(mitch): yes i said but if aging were so valuable , why do people always say "oh if i were young again"..u never hear ppl say "i wish i were 65"He smiled "you know what that reflects?unsatisfied lives..unfulfilled lives..lives that havent found meaning..
because if u've found meaning in your life, u dont want to go back.You want to go forward.You want to see more.Do more.You you can't wait until sixty-five"
----------------

(This is Morrie's answer when questioned if he worried about being forgotten after he dies)
"I dont think i will be.I've got so many people who have been involved with me in close intimate ways. And love is how u stay alive even after you are gone"  
---------------  

(Morrie's words---on forgiveness)

"Its not just other people we need to forgive mitch" he whispered "we also need to forgive ourselves"ourselves?
"Yes..for all the things we didn't do.All the things we should have done.You can't get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened.That dosent help u when u get to where i am"

------------------


Morrie brings a smile on your face inspte of all the pain he is living through and the best part about it is he dosen't see the pain and at times even makes u envy him...everything he says makes soo much sense...This book made me understood what they mean when they say its your perspective that matters :)
I guess thats what 'Tuesdays with Morrie' Is all about....
Mitch Albom has put it across beautifully...and on reading the book i couldn't help but fall in love with Morrie :)If u guys havent caught up on it yet, you are really missing out on something...its a read of a lifetime!!!

Let's build a new world
Let's think a fresh thought
Let's break another rule
Let's water an old drought
Let's smile a new smile
Let's wipe every tear
Let's fight a new fight
Let's bring someone near
Let's just give one more shot
Let's discover a new stream
Let's just start from scratch
Let's dream a new dream
Today, let's try....

life's lessons---from the learned..

sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past...
stop planning the future...
stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel...
stop deciding with our mind what we want  our heart to feel...
sometimes we just have to go with...'whatever happens - happens'

I’ve had great conversations with certain people...

I’ve fallen a little more in love with each ‘me too’...

I’ve grown a little fonder with each joke we shared...

I’ve sung “wish you were here” every time I’ve felt lonely in a crowd...

I’ve had them with me too...

Only to realise ‘first times’ cannot be repeated...

The same conversations are not equally magical when you have them again...

The same people are not as desirable when you know them a little more...

'The bubble does burst under the weight of the image it reflects.

i gaze at the open skies...
they tempt me to reach out to them,
touch them and explore the meaning of those lovely hues,
how pleasant would be the view from up there?
i often wonder and spin a dream around it
but then im reminded of my clipped wings...

i awe at the vastness all around me...
i want to soar so high that i will no longer be visible to the naked eye,
spread my wings and fly over the oceans blue,
listen to the sound of waves as i glide across them,
feel the cool breeze touching me on the other side of the horizon,
but then im reminded of my clipped wings...

i want to let go of all worldly issues...
reach a stage where im no longer trapped in the clutches of materialism,
where i would be free from the evils of society and vulture eyes--
waiting to eat my carcass as i drop dead, tired from the effort,
i want to fly to another place...
to a different land afar...
soo far away that noone can ever find me...
and then im reminded of my clipped wings...

i have dreams to attain...
i have ambitions to achieve...
i have wishes to be fulfilled...
i have longings to be shared...
i have the courage to dare...
and even though im bound by these invisible chains today,
which keep reminding me of my clipped wings,
i still have the will...
the desire...
the hope...
that someday i will break free...
into a happier life...
a happier story...
a different world...

because i BELIEVE!! :)

Thinking...just too much

Life has geared up...Its become tough...irritating...frustrating...and all the words you can put in for me to tell you i am bugged!Not that i hate it....but things are happening which i dont want to be a part of...because they'r not the things i want...I know my goal(hmm am i sure)...let me just achieve that...sumtimes there is just a block in yur life..it just happens!!!

Me vs Me

I was in a crappy state of mind the last two days. All alone in the house, the thoughts just overloaded..I seemed to walk down the lane of all the years gone by…


How much I’ve changed, seriously, in beliefs, habits , attitude, take on life, friends and things in general…

I used to be a happy loner, now I dread staying alone(ok dread is an exaggeration but i dn't like it for sure)…I used to be a dreamer, an unprecedented one at that!!!..but now i'm not sure...I disregarded the rat race and loved the idea of doing things that i was passionate about, things that i really wanted...I was an innocent, naïve optimist…and now it all seems very distant. Yes, I fell in the trap…I embraced mediocrity and shunned the possibilities and let faith flow out of me…I became what they call ‘practical’. Think from the head and not your heart. In the battle though, heart always had an edge and I despised it for that. And all alone there, I was thinking what have mood swings made out of me! I am so unstable with my emotions…and somewhere, I’ve even lost touch with the real Neha, or somewhere,somehow the ties have weakened…

I want to get her back...I want to live for bigger and better things...I want my dreams back..I want to make a choice of doing those things that add more to my life...i just want to go back to be the girl i once was!!!

There and back

As the saying goes; ‘journey matters and not the destination’. But we do acknowledge, anticipate or apprehend the nature of the destination and to say the least, believe in its existence. And in the heart of hearts even look forward to one, rather optimistically.

Yet sometimes, there isn’t any. It’s an unknown road which comes back in a U-turn…
It’s not a rosy one for once. It neither has well laid directions. It is packed with confusions, misunderstood signs, and baseless predictions. It’s an expedition that one may even discard as a complete waste of time, or  one may even never feel like undertaking. It guarantees nothing. It demands nothing. It’s up for acceptance as well as rejection. It exists as an option, disguises as a compulsion and is bound to be revisited in retrospection. It’s just a choice you make.


Even when you know it’s a dead end ahead, sometimes, you just have to travel all the way, to be there by yourself and to come back, all by yourself.

To come back, to yourself...

**SURPRISE**

Ok...now this is really unexpected...i can REALLY REALLY access my blog here in Infy..:):)
Hmm...technically i should have a lot to write about at this point of time...as everone says i am into the next phase of my life...and i guess i do have lots to write but somehow again the words seem to be betraying me...
So, how have these 2 months and 7 days been????
Hmm...to be true, it doesn't really feel like its already been this long...well, i guess the infy people really know how to keep you busy enough so you do not come to know about the passage of time..and plus the weather here  just adds on, you hardly see a change in it anyday...every single day its the same hot sunny day here:(:(...oh gosh!!! i  miss the winters back home...
Do i like it here??? I think i like it in parts...there are times when i like this place..and then there are times that make me wonder why...But all in all i'm kind of settled here..ok Infy you'll have to bear me for a year...
This place is teaching me a lot of things..teaching me a lot about people, about relationships, about changes you have to face as life goes on...Personally, i have realized accepting changes is not at all easy for me(especially if it concerns people)...but it has also taught me that changes are a part of life...its a pretty stupid notion to keep that things around you are going to remain the same...and the earlier you realize this, the better it is going to be for you...and now i am at par with this fact...
And what else, hmm  i have become hell of a lazy person here...one who has been mechanically programmed into a daily routine and who just does not want to do any thing else, anything new...am giving out reasons for not doing every small thing you can ask for...
But what's the best part,you can spend your hard earned money as you wish :P (well technically it is actual hard earned money...imagine you get paid for studying...how much more wierd can it get)..But the feeling of buying a present for your mom or dad with it is just awesummm!!! The feeling just cannot be expressed in words, the happiness you get...the satisfaction you feel...so i'm really enjoying this part for sure:):)...
Nyways signing off for now...(hopefully this will work in the cuming days also)