The treasure called nostalgia

I opened a treasure trunk with a heavy feeling...

some lovely memories neatly folded and stored...

a huge metal lock to safeguard it forever...

the key put in a sleek little casket...

the casket placed in a small wooden box...

the wooden box kept in a huge combination vault...

the combination consciously forgotten...

and yet, stolen glances at the trunk from time to time...

Bedtime stories...

Faded talks...

Deserted places...

Long lost friendships...

Secret stuff...

Awesome  friends...

Innocent love...

Million feelings...

Thousand thoughts...

the laughter...

the pain...

the happiness..

I'm not stuck in the past but unveiling the memories that are stuck in time...

trying reconnecting with parts i forgot...

about faces that smiled and frowned at me...

hands that hugged, cared and guided me...

simple fun that made me complete once...

remembering people who touched my life...

I'm missing the true moments that made me..

and so there are stolen glances at the trunk from time to time...

For the Moment...!!!

I also think a lot about prefect moments :)..Moments that you want to live and relive...Moments that you wait for so eagerly, maybe planning for them for a  long time, moments where absolutely nothing can go wrong..
But then if you wait too long for the perfect moment; Maybe the perfect moment will pass you by...!! So rather than waiting for the perfect moment...Take up any moment and make it just perfect :)...
Easily said; but me..I'm still trying, waiting for that perfect moment!!!

There are certain things which need to be expressed at that very instant when you thought of them...otherwise the moment just goes away and you don't feel like sharing it anymore..
Happens a lot with me... 
It is never deliberate...just, some moments get lost when ignored and try as hard you may try, you will never find them back!!!

Are u even listening??

Dear god,

you are supposed to be the 'Know All'... right??
then how on earth do u keep forgetting the simple fact that i'm just human!!
why do u keep forgetting you have my silent prayers to be heard!!
that you have my unlisted list of questions to be answered to!!!

Your truly,
Neha

Signs...!!!

Sometimes i ask myself do you believe in signs?

Those small signals which subtly hint whether things are to be or not to be...
The ones everyone around you can so clearly see and yet seem all blurred to you...
The ones we tend to ignore deliberately at times even if they are right there..staring at us...
The ones which constantly plays and replay on your mind...sometimes just freezing everything around you...
The ones you know you should acknowledge and yet ignore...

I'm just talking about signs..

Sometimes i am afraid of missing them...dreading what happens if i ignore them?

and then, how do we know they are actually signs?

couldn't a sign warning you of failure, be just something your heart fears?
couldn't a sign hinting of happiness, be just something your heart desires?
what if we are interpreting them all wrong?

Sometimes it is just a matter of how much you trust your faith??

Coward am i????

i'm not afraid to dream, i'm just afraid of having to wake up...
and so i lock my dreams away...
i'm not afraid of heights, i'm just afraid of the fall...
and so i stay away from heights...
i'm not afraid of the silence, i'm just afraid of the void that deepens...
and so i try to befriend the silence...
i'm not afraid of darkness, i'm just afraid of what might be hiding in there...
and so i dare not explore the darkness...
i'm not afraid of the turbulent waves, i'm just afraid of my capacity to resist them...
and so i try to shield myself from signs of turbulence...
i'm not afraid to trust, i'm just afraid of how irreparably damaged i would be if let down...
and so in turn shy away from trust...
i'm not afraid to walk together, i'm just afraid you might disappear around the bend...
and so i attempt walking alone....
i'm not afraid to cry, i'm just afraid of the world laughing at my tears...
and so i hold back my tears...
i'm not afraid of confrontation, i'm just afraid of being misunderstood yet again...
and so i hesitate to confront...
i'm not afraid of hanging on, i'm just afraid of living a lie...
and so i am reluctant to hang on...
i'm not afraid of letting go, i'm just afraid of leaving a major part of me behind...
and so i am unable to let go...

Coward am i????

...and it is in these moments of silence that u think a lot

Sometimes when you are stuck on one of life's busy roads; all you want to do is stand there and look back...it might be a highway buzzing with activity that you are looking at...but sometimes, nothing really matters...an eerie silence is all you hear...and it is in these moments of silence that u think a lot...

What hurts you more that your enemy stabbed you in the back because he did not have the guts to face you...
Or your friend who punched you in the face because he had every right and reason to...
The scar on your back reminds you of the betrayal u  faced...
But the memory of that punch brings you back to the moments of a lost friendship...
Both may have caused immense pain...being stabbed behind left an ugly mark....the punch did not...
But in the journey of life, you will remember the punch a lot more often than the stab, strangely because it has only fond memories coming back with it...
It is so true, you never forget your enemies but your heart constantly searches for that one friend you lost along the way....hoping that someday he might just turn up and ask you to come back...
And then you realize that the stab left a scar but you dont feel the pain anymore...
But the punch, though silent and clean has left you with a terrible phantom pain,for life!!

And you are stuck on life's busy highway and all you can do is wish, wait and smile through the pain...:)

Conversations!!!

Its surprising how much of myself i discover during conversations with people...
random incessant conversation over cups of coffee...
those endless vent-outs and sulk sessions...
discussions about the daily details of mundane life...
sometimes casual pings online when wanting to think aloud...
The frivolous crazy talk gives a  flight to unimaginable ideas-sometimes rented from the past, sometimes borrowed from the present and sometimes stolen from the near future, almost always living up to the expectation of astonishing me with a wide spectra of diversity.
These tiny things bring about a change in me..a type of realization...
and the best part; these are never planned...
Just a random topic of silly banter can sometimes leads to hours of introspection and pondering, when i'm alone..

Sometimes these conversations make me wonder how it must to be in other people's shoes..how it must be to live the way someone else lives his life..But frankly, i love listening to other people's perspective just as much as i love speaking about mine...i like to listen to other people's opinion, their interpretation, their way of looking at life...it makes me ponder sometimes why life has shaped our personalities so different..neither good nor bad..just different...

It is not every time that our views differ..and it is not everyday that we have differences in perspective..but it is these small differences also make me realize what i need to change about myself..they help me grow as a person...help me respect change..
Conversations have always shown me different patterns in the kaleidoscope of life...
some patterns made me fall in love with them..some made me look at them with contempt...some pleasantly surprised me...
Some showed me the good in people while some exposed me to the bad and the ugly side in them.some left me with lessons to learn from and some with regrets to ponder upon..some gifted me with precious memories to cherish while there were some which scratched old wounds and made them bleed..
Strings of words thrown together...that is all they are..so delicate and yet so powerful...these conversations!!!